A message for New York from the Boss Baby
The nightmare of the Boss Baby is becoming reality: citizens give more of their love to pets and less to babies— especially in the State of New York. The balance between puppies and babies has never been more critical as anyone will tell you if they walk down the streets of the Big Apple. The cries of children are steadily being replaced by the barking of poodles. And last week, with the passing of a bill that will further reduce the fertility rate in the foremost state of the world, the probability of going for a walk in Central Park just got better for little puppies and worse for future generations of New York babies.
In the film Boss Baby, that received Best Animated Feature nominations at both the Academy Awards, Annie Awards, and Golden Globes, the story unfolds about the fight of Boss Baby for the right of babies to be loved and protected even more than puppies.
As the world comes to terms with the legal measure just passed in New York, one might wonder how Boss Baby would have reacted. Could we, just for a moment, allow our imaginations to run free, and in support of children as opposed to puppies, compose an imaginary press release from Boss Baby to the people of New York? What follows is not real, it is not a script and probably never will be. It’s a suggestion, a brainwave. It will probably never see the light of day, but then again, neither will many of the babies that are conceived in the State of New York.
My Dear Friends of New York!
To my horror, I was told, that the Board of your State has issued a new measure that may stop the arrival of our shipments to your families at practically any time during the delivery process. I find this worrisome and I consider it as a deliberate offense to our company. I therefore demand, that the Boss of your Board, cease and desist from this harmful measure that is threatening our corporation with ruin.
Please recognise that our shipment has no protection whatsoever given the special agreements we made with you and our whole client base on Earth. We agreed, from the beginning of our contract, that the Baby Corp will take responsibility for the shipment up until the moment it is dispatched. From then on, the protection of the package depends on those at the receiving end.
Since the commencement of services, our recipients have breached the contract more than 80 million times. Our losses were huge, but despite this, we still honoured the service we had undertaken.
Now, I have to raise my voice in protest, because I consider your Big Boss and your Board have gone too far in what I believe is a most serious breach of our service contract. Just a couple of years ago one of your Board members said that
“for many New Yorkers, our pets are an extension of our families.”
Then he went on to say that “New Yorkers together [have] to take a stand for the companion animals that give so much to so many of us” and then— referring to the puppy dogs, concluded: “I continue to be immensely proud of the work this day does to better protect those that cannot protect themselves.”
And what about our product —the babies?
Are they not an extension of our families? Of course, they are. Can they protect themselves? No, they can’t, and it is your responsibility to do so.
Furthermore, thanks to our shipments you still are the most powerful species on the face of Earth.
Dear New Yorkers, I call on you to reconsider your decision.